i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
