she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
