He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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