i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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