This is not my ceiling
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
