Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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