Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
