Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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