I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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