i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
