i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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