How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize