We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
