Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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