there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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