We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
