life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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