if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize