Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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