omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
