he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
