I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
