They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
