There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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