Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize