I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
