i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
handjob tips. give me some.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
