I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
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If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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