if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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