I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
