Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
