Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
