Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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