yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
