I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
