Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
