If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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