I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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