Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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