It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
