I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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