I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize