My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
