Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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