he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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