He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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