Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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