i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
