Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
