The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You did what with his pubic hair?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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