did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
