Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
