he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
