May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
