Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
