pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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