I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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