I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
