he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am mentally ready for anal.
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