I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its not stalking. its research.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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