My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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