Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
