a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
