just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
