I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
