it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
