That's intense
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize