I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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