just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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