Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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