this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
