he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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