Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
