I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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