Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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