It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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