2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
